Failure

If I let it, I can learn a lot from my failures.  Because in my failures, I've come to the end of me, the end of what I can do, and I need to rely on Something bigger than me.  If I only pay attention to my successes, I'm only reinforcing what I already am, I'm not challenging myself.  Failure makes me rely more on God, and also more on others as well.  In true community, we need not pretend we don't fail, don't have doubts, don't wrestle with meaninglessness.  Rather, these very things can open us to new truth, new opportunity, new life.  I believe we live in a society that rewards success, but doesn't know quite what to do with failure.  We brush over it, it makes us uncomfortable.  But if we pay attention to it, let grace touch it, be willing to learn, than we don't hate or try and hide these things but rather allow God to hold us in them.  We must remember, before we did anything good or bad, Jesus died for us.  He's not afraid of our failures, and invites us into freedom from the fear of failure too.  I believe that interdependence knows better what to do with failure than independence.  When we live in community, when we see others as our sisters and brothers trying to work out this life than I can let these people speak life, grace and meaning into me.  If on the other hand I try and conquer all my inconsistencies in a vacuum, than my struggle lacks meaning and I'm only trying to tackle my problems in my problematic way, only perpetuating the problem.  We need to harness the spirit of when we were young, when we fell down, scraped our knee, but than got up again and kept running.  The mere fact that we are finite beings in search of the Infinite One means we're going to make mistakes, means we're never going to fully grasp what that is.  I can let this torment me, or I can give up and trust that God is good.

God give me the grace to see myself as you see me.

Mercy

Mercy sets us free, doesn't require that we work for it, but is offered to us before we ask for it.  God is merciful in all his actions.  His mercy works in accordance with his love, grace, wisdom and freedom.  This mercy is greater than any sin I could commit, greater than any wrong I could do.  This is the reason we have hope, that no matter what we do, we will not spend all of God's mercy.  This mercy is offered to us when we wake, while we sleep, it is woven into who we are.  We need only to surrender to it, only to acknowledge that we are created for it.  The more we learn the character of God, the more mercy will be present with us and in all of our relationships.  God's mercy is deeper than we can fathom, better than we can understand.

If I trust this mercy, I can move and be with more confidence.  Not because I'm great, but because I'm part of Someone great.  God likes to rub off on people, he wants us to find shelter in his great mercy.  If God is mercy to me, I should be mercy to those I encounter.  Not a pity or mere pardon for some act, but a disposition towards our fellow that is pure acceptance, that accepts before they have a chance to act.  A merciful disposition is preemptive forgiveness, is grace for all and is love.  Mercy doesn't hold on to anger.

God's mercy is deeper than the deepest ocean.  We can train ourselves to hear it, to let it speak through us.  In this way, I'm less defensive and have less of a need to prove myself.  Mercy can better hold paradox than anger, can give us patience, can help us see the possible good in difficult circumstances.

Lord God train me in your mercy!

Late Night Dreams

Let me be free, let me fall into grace.  Let the strings plucked equal freedom flowing through my soul.  Let there be no such thing as fear, no frightful grip on my soul.  Let my being resonate with the tones of the universe.  Let love fill every pour, let Spirit engulf me.  To know that our song reaches the heavens, to know it's heard.  To live in the moment, to hold paradox, to be willing to be surprised.  To believe it's better than the story I could have written, that the Hand of the eternal is in this world.  All my sleeping, all my resting, being held, a light shining in the darkness.  All that have gone before pave the way, all that follow are beautiful, worth all I can give.  Let us hear the tone in each other, to dance to our different beats.  In stillness, in peace, in soul, in mind, in body, to be alive.  To not fear the distant call, to well up with sound and grace.  To see the universe as it is, not as I would have it, as beautiful.  For love to engulf all, forever, for now, forever.

Sooth and Relax (2 songs)

Here's a few instrumentals I've done.  Hope you enjoy them!