My wife is a mirror for me. In light of the love she has for me, in light of our relationship, everything I do matters. My decisions affect both her and I. Now I have a choice, I could become bitter about this, or I could use this mirror, this reflection of my actions, to shape and mold me.
Like the marriage relationship, all relationships are a chance to both give and receive. In this mutuality growth and change can happen. If I let those around me speak into my life, I may broaden my perspective to see a little more how they see. Relationship is gift, and though it may be challenging at times, we are called to community. We are stronger together. What I lack, my sister can contribute. Where I fall, another will be strong, and in their strength can help me back to my feet. I feel that true relationship is a chance for intimacy, a chance for transparency. Relationship at its best accepts us for who we are, allows us to share our deep hurt, and then strengthens us by presence in the midst of our hurts. There is no notion of separate sin, of sin that only affects me and not my brothers. I am bound by the image of God to those around me, and what I do affects my ability to be present for others. We could see this as an incredible burden, or as it is, pure gift. I get to share with those around me. I am bound to them, and them to me. We one is strong, we celebrate, when one hurts, we cry with them. In this way, God is honored. For God aches when we ache, and is joyous when we are full of joy. We didn't ask for this sort of love, this love that pursues us to the ends of the earth. This love that makes itself vulnerable to us, is affected by us and is always available to us. In the same way, I should let those around me affect me. This shows people that they matter, that they are real, that someone is willing to feel with them and for them. It helps to answer the question for them, "Does anyone really care about me?"
I work as a mental health counselor. I see it as my job to find the strengths already present in people and bring these into focus, to bring them out more clearly. Anything besides this, is telling people what to do, is trying to form people in my mold. Remember, Jesus came to set us free, I must follow his example. As a counselor, I want to let people tell their story. I want to honor their story as unique, precious and true. More than intervention, people need a listening presence. Once I have gained their trust, once I've proven to them that this is their time, not mine, than I have a platform to speak truth into their lives. But never truth forced, only offered as invitation, and at the same time offering them the choice to accept it or not. All truth is offered in such a way, it must be accepted, can't be forced. In this sort of compassionate relationship, a person can gain the confidence to explore topics. I believe that in this sort of exploration, truth can be experience, faith strengthened. And it comes not through doctrine, not in telling people the right answers, but through open, trusting and compassionate exploration. I hope that I have true beliefs, but these beliefs must be tempered by, informed by, and grounded in love. They also must be open to being wrong, or at least incomplete.
The personal work I do will directly affect the way I relate to people. If I broaden my ability to accept God's love, then I will automatically broaden my ability to love others. Relief from my fears will translate into a greater capacity to help relieve the fears of others. In this way, no personal growth is lost, none without meaning. Refining of myself will always increase my capacity to help, to be present, to love. And then my loving of others, will greater increase my refinement. And in this way love grows, pulls us upward, until Christ is all, and in all.
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