Sometimes, reading helps sooth me and set my mind on truth. Sometimes playing guitar helps release tension for me, helps me to have fun, helps me to connect with my body. Sometimes contemplation helps me focus on the embrace of the Loving One. Sometimes prayer helps me to connect with life beyond myself, and can help me feel grounded . Sometimes listening to hard rock can bring me happiness.
There are days where I may need all of these things, others where I need to enjoy music to recharge to engage on the others at another time. For me, as I'm enjoying, I think that I'm usually evaluating to make sure that the enjoyment somehow ties into the rest of the picture. I feel this at the same time a blessing and a curse. I can look at the meaning in things and work towards a comprehensive view of things. However, also if I don't have a meaning or reason for what I'm doing readily available I can feel guilty or awkward for enjoying.
However, faith says that prayer is good, so is enjoyment. Faith says that contemplation can be peaceful, so can playing guitar and engaging the body. Faith says, "Let God care for you through reading," but also says, "Enjoy my child, enjoy."
At times I have images of God that I contemplate or maybe that just come into my head. One of these images is that of a father, playing with his child on the floor. The father isn't concerned if the child gets it right, isn't concerned if the child says the right things. All the father cares about is if the child experiences life. The father's actions and reactions to the child are all about more life. The father plays with the child, tries to help the child to laugh, to dream, to feel secure, to be happy, to enjoy deeply and richly. And this enjoyment isn't given in a way that demands penance, demands something in return, the enjoyment, the accepted love is enough. As the child grows, it will naturally love the father back as it sees and learns to see the father's generosity, as it grows into the gift.
In light of this image, I can enjoy. I can read and connect, I can listen to hard rock and enjoy, I can laugh, I can pray, I can contemplate, I can live. I can learn to see that freedom and deep relationship with God are the same thing. I need not compartmentalize my life, seeking God for spiritual nourishment, searching elsewhere for enjoyment. God is pure gift, and wants us to live life full, richly, deeply. And in this way, our hearts are shaped towards gratitude, which is what the Father desires.
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