Letting go

Help me to let go of all.  This plan.  That plan.  Swaying this way.  Swaying that way.  Running with this idea.  Running with that idea.  Help me to finally surrender.  I try and know what's best for me, but what is best for me is you.  Maybe I have my pockets and nooks and crannies that I try and keep for myself.  Fill them all with you.  I assert my independence when what I need is dependence on you.

Better than any thought.  Better than any plan.  Beyond any dream.  Relevant to this time and age.  My scheming.  My planning.  My bitterness.  My grudges.  My coming up short.  My comforts.  All the things I do to be apart from you, to assert my independence, to try and be different, to try and be unique, to try and be on my own.

Swallow it up in your grace.  However many times I've asserted myself instead of trusting you, forgive me.  Let the present and future be different.  Wash me white as snow.  Forgive my sin.

I waver.  I teater.  I wonder.  I fear. 

I am certainly in need.

Of......

Your grace.

Take me over.  Wash me in you joy.  Take apart my world and build it how you desire.  Sit alone on the throne of my heart, of my mind, of my being.  Be my everything, my morning, my day, my evening.  The Alpha, the Omega.  Be more real to me than the couch I sit on.  Envelope me in mercy, compassion.  Be my song.

My only.

Only One

Only One.  Yet this One is composed of three.  When all else falls out from beneath, the One remains.    Perfect relationship.  Perfect giving and receiving.  Perfect union.

When all else looses its voice, One will still sing.  At the end of time, One invites all into eternity.  One started it all, it's all heading toward One.  All else changes, the One is eternally the same, yet eternally new to us all.

One is victorious.  Now One calls out wisdom through eternity, seeking others to join in on the call.  Seeking others to be swept up in its flow.

One is the answer.  Yet One is patient with all the questions.  One is kind, always kind.  From One kindness comes forth, a kindness that wants to know everything in existence, or, to be known by everything in existence as the One already knows.

One is the path, yet One doesn't want any of our paths to look the same.  One calls us forth, yet accepts right where we are.  One is the leader, yet One doesn't seek conformity.  One wants all of us to grow in love, yet doesn't withhold its eternal love from us all, no matter what.

We all are united in One.  Yet One celebrates our differences.  One holds all together, yet doesn't force itself upon us.  It One's self,  pure relationship, freely receiving, but not holding onto, letting what is freely received be freely given, only to receive back.  It needs not claim its own, it is fulfilled in it's perfect union with self, in the perfect flow of giving and receiving.

Let me realize, awaken to, fall into, grow in, submit to, receive, be in the flow of, give all for, give all to, become more like, be changed by, fall deeply in love with, One.

Mercy

From my anguish.  To the heavens.  From my confusion.  From my plans.  From my worry.  From helplessness.  From nothingness.  From self hate.  From this struggle.

Let mercy cry out from the top of the highest mountain.  Let it pour out from above.  Let it spring up from beneath.  Let us be lost in it forever.  No more need for classifications.  No desire to divide.  No more us and them.  Only one.

Engulf us.  Let not misery be out companion.  Purge my emptiness.  Let there be a clear path for you into my heart.  Remove the blocks.  Remove my securities, my divisive nature, my classification, my negativity.  Flow freely in and through me.  May I be caught up in the tide and flow that knows no end.  Let my mind be drawn by that which it can't wrap itself around.  Be more real to me than the chair I'm sitting on.  Let me be a spiritual being having a human experience.  Let there be one reality. Let us all be included.  Forgive my divisive nature.

Mercy.  The war is beyond me.  It is mercy's war.  And mercy has already won.  It never had a rival.  It shines on through the generations, both being shouted from the rooftops and whispered between from the spaces in between.

I paint on my strongest face, only to realize it's not my strength that counts.

Light

A light to run away.  What is on the other side?  Light.  What is around the corner?  Light.  What is underneath?  Light.  

The light shines the darkness.  And the darkness cannot overcome it.  

Before my bitterness was light.  Before my plans was light.  Before my shurities was light.  Before my wondering and questions was light.  Before death and dying was light.  

We need not just endure.  We are called to proclaim, to live into, that which is the truest.  Light.  It's the deepest well.  An endless well.  It's where we are born.  It's where everything is headed.  Let us not fight the natural order of things.

For free

It's for free.  What if the greatest gift is one we've already received.  There is no prerequisite for it.  There is no test.  There is no grading system.  Whether or not you deserve it isn't even a question.

Its answer is "yes."  Its answer is "of course."  It shouts, "both/and."

Birthed from the One that had no birth.  Born of the One who was not conceived.

Freedom lives with the One who has given himself over to us.

For free.  I must lay down arms.  I cannot fight for this.  The battle is already won.  I cannot compete for this.  We all win.  I cannot think my way in.  Rather I must unlearn my defenses.  I must surrender to that which was, and is and will be.

Words born from silence.  Silence born from love.  Love born from Trinity.  Trinity in a perfect self emptying and receiving dance.  Setting the tone for the atoms.  Drumming out the beat which calls us all to dance.

So let us dance.

Free Association

Free association.  Not censoring what I say.  Not worrying about if what I said is wrong.  Just saying it because it doesn't need to live inside me.  What I share can also be helped.  So let me sit on the couch, recline and open up.  I fear so deeply what is inside of me.  The brain I have that should be controlled by the Spirit is deeply afraid of itself, and this body that lugs it around.

But this is not what I'm meant for.  Banquet.  Celebration.  Goodness.  Kindness.

So open up insides.  Pour out into the light.  Fear not your own greed.  Fear not your own selfish ambition.  Just let them be swallowed up by light.  Just let yourself be swallowed up by light.

Oh, there you are

Oh, there you are!  In a place I didn't expect.  I went to my schools, I read my books, I planned my plans, but my ego loves to attach its worth to accomplishment, and I became what I do.  But that is not where you are.  Catch me by surprise.  Come to me when I'm on my knees, when my defenses are down.  Then, possibly, I will be more receptive.  I've tried ownership.  Over and over and over.  When I think something is in my grasp, it becomes illusive to me.  Look what I have!  Look what I have discovered.  Pain.  Look at me!  Look at what I've figured out!  Regret.

If it is true that there is a kingdom beyond, between and before our current level of seeing, let me see it.  For to many times I've tried to take captive reality and make it my own.  There must be something larger, something that includes everyone and everything for all of time, space and eternity.  Right?  What other common ground do we have to meet on?  How else can we be one and yet also celebrate our differences?

Awaken my soul.  Let me dull mind, mush and all, see with clarity.  Help me to believe.  Is it too good to be true?  No, let me believe it more and more for this human life and beyond.