A Dim light at first

Darkness shall not reign over me, my first shall not be my last. In my scars, in my tears, they will not speak the final word. I want inspiration, for my cup to overflow. I need not the dim, I need not the cry. I will look up, I will look to the horizon, I will not hang my head, I will squint, and perceive that which is ahead. But I've fallen so far, I've gotten so dreary, I have become so tired. The argument wages war in my head, the never ending court room deliberates on and on and on.... so that I am tempted to to mesh their voices with my own. I can't stop swimming, I can't stop leaning in, there is nothing in nothingness, bitter in bitterness, concern in fear. The weight feels overwhelming, but I will not be crushed. For I saw a spark, when I was young. Yes I was young, but it has stayed with me. It has spoken to me in my darkest night, sometimes with more vigor, sometimes but a faint hum. But it is enough, enough for me to wake up, walk towards it, now, run towards it. All else, I am done with. I need the light. This voice, the one that showed itself to me first when young, will be my north star until my whole being realizes what my heart wants to believe. Life has not been fare, there are those that hurt, there are those that have not reached their elder years. Babies have died. People have walked on without feeling love. The light doesn't deny this, they light reaches into this and transforms from the inside out. All space, time and eternity have been touched, and when the vortex looks the bleakest, life is speaking into it, through it. We need to train ourselves to hear. It's a matter of light and dark, but the two can seem so intertwined. Patience my friend, let your mind and heart rest in grace, then let it start to discern. Light dim at first, grows, consumes. Love wins.