All Working Together

Sometimes, reading helps sooth me and set my mind on truth.  Sometimes playing guitar helps release tension for me, helps me to have fun, helps me to connect with my body.  Sometimes contemplation helps me focus on the embrace of the Loving One.  Sometimes prayer helps me to connect with life beyond myself, and can help me feel grounded .  Sometimes listening to hard rock can bring me happiness.

There are days where I may need all of these things, others where I need to enjoy music to recharge to engage on the others at another time.  For me, as I'm enjoying, I think that I'm usually evaluating to make sure that the enjoyment somehow ties into the rest of the picture.  I feel this at the same time a blessing and a curse.  I can look at the meaning in things and work towards a comprehensive view of things.  However, also if I don't have a meaning or reason for what I'm doing readily available I can feel guilty or awkward for enjoying.

However, faith says that prayer is good, so is enjoyment.  Faith says that contemplation can be peaceful, so can playing guitar and engaging the body.  Faith says, "Let God care for you through reading," but also says, "Enjoy my child, enjoy."

At times I have images of God that I contemplate or maybe that just come into my head.  One of these images is that of a father, playing with his child on the floor.  The father isn't concerned if the child gets it right, isn't concerned if the child says the right things.  All the father cares about is if the child experiences life.  The father's actions and reactions to the child are all about more life.  The father plays with the child, tries to help the child to laugh, to dream, to feel secure, to be happy, to enjoy deeply and richly.  And this enjoyment isn't given in a way that demands penance, demands something in return, the enjoyment, the accepted love is enough.  As the child grows, it will naturally love the father back as it sees and learns to see the father's generosity, as it grows into the gift.

In light of this image, I can enjoy.  I can read and connect, I can listen to hard rock and enjoy, I can laugh, I can pray, I can contemplate, I can live.  I can learn to see that freedom and deep relationship with God are the same thing.  I need not compartmentalize my life, seeking God for spiritual nourishment, searching elsewhere for enjoyment.  God is pure gift, and wants us to live life full, richly, deeply.  And in this way, our hearts are shaped towards gratitude, which is what the Father desires.

Song for Mom

This instrumental is dedicated to my mom.  She always there and always caring for us.  Thanks mom for all that you've been, hope you enjoy this song.  Love you!

Gratitude

Life is gift.  We don't always experience it this way, but at the heart of human experience, is that life is gift.  At the beginning of time for us humans, God breathed into us and gave us life.  Communion with him was possible.  We weren't afraid ourselves at this time, we were a slave to worry.  It wasn't about who comes out on top, but rather about a shared love.  This love defined us.  We didn't need to self medicate, or move so fast to drown out the hurt inside of ourselves.  Life was truly gift, and truly good. Reflecting on this can be helpful.  Before we had the chance for pain or to be hurt we were instilled with life.  Before we were confused, frustrated, angry, alone, we were cherished, delighted in, held.  In the midst of our pain, to pause and remember this was never the way it was meant to be can bring some relief.  We were not created for pain, it does not define us.  The messages it tells us are never the final say.

Knowing this about our beginnings can provide some direction to our future.  If I wasn't meant for pain, am not meant for it now, or never will be meant for it than I can have more confidence to live into a full life, to accept life as gift.  I can better plan a healthy and wholesome life for myself.  I can accept grace because this was always my true home.  In my mental map of my life and I can allow myself to move into space where more gratitude is present, because when I look back I see that each moment is gift, each to be enjoyed, each to be built upon.  Also, we can let go of hurts and hangups more easily because these neither were what we were made for.  They are unfortunate things that happened along the way, but in the end will not last.  The anger in my heart isn't the truest identity of who I am, and therefore I can deal with it and let it go.

So let us move toward gratitude.  Let us live fully, engaging ourselves in the quest for fullness, for celebration.  After all, we are celebrated more than we can celebrate ourselves.