Monday, April 28, 2014


I'm posting two instrumental tracks I've done.  I love music, it relaxes me.  I love the passion behind some music.  I feel taken by it, and placed in a new and bigger place.  I resonate with it and for a while feel that I'm connected with the vibrations of the universe, and that is enough.  I love the creativity and the honest expression of pain.  Sometimes for me, music can say what one thousand words couldn't.  Thank you all musicians and vocalists who have added to the library of beauty.

Saturday, April 26, 2014


Humility is holding open the possibility that I might be wrong.  I would also say, that this is essential for growth.  I don't think we're measured by the degree to which we hold our beliefs to be true, but the more essential thing is to be willing to learn.  If I believe in an infinite God, no matter my understanding, I will still have an infinite to learn.  I believe the call to us, is to accept this about ourselves, and to accept God transforming us in his way and in his time.

Humility is much more inviting than pride.  When I become aware of my deficits, of my inauthenticities, of my false self, I much more want to seek solace from someone who is on the same journey of light and darkness as I, much less someone who has "fixing" answers.  In humility, I can admit that I need each person on this planet, and that they need me.  We are not isolated from each other, but are walking this journey together.

Humility is health, it is the willingness to meet each day with open arms.  Humility can teach us those things we need to learn and those things we need to unlearn.  Humility can open me up to areas of myself that are underdeveloped, and also to others who are not like me who can shed their unique light into my darkness.  I believe that humility is a gift, and the more we treat it as such, the more it can work its power in our life.  When we're open to God, the totally Other, the only response is humility.  It is surrendering to mystery, surrendering to that which we cannot yet see, or that we never thought possible.  I believe we are led much more by our humility, much less by our desire to strengthen our own ego our support our own beliefs.

"I might be wrong", is a tough lesson to learn, but offers much more freedom than, "I'm always right."  We can drop pretense, live and love.  I believe those we consider our enemies, or those we understand the least have special significance for use.  If we can learn to love our enemies or those estranged to us than we are more likely to be able to love the estranged parts of our own selves.

God grant me humility.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Into Something

The beautiful about redemption, is that it can turn something that appears to be nothing, into something.  Our darkest parts, when met with redemption, can be used for good.  My deepest darkest hurts, can be used to bring others with similar pain into the light.

Jesus is the cause of redemption, perfection housed in a human body.  He took our sadness to the grave, and rose victorious on the other side.  It helps me to rest from my own work, knowing that someone has already done the work for me.  Then my life becomes about incorporating his work into me, his freedom to take the place of my bondage.  He went before us, to heal us of our hurts, to turn death on it's head.  And now death no longer has mastery, it must bow before him who conquered it.  What a gift!  To have someone innocent suffer on behalf of all humans, that our death might be buried with him, that we may share in his resurrection on the other side.  And a gift freely given, not under compulsion but out of love, to rejoin his creation back into unity with him.  He sought us, travelled to where we were, ate with us, and died for us.  To realize this, to believe it, is to have our burdens loosen their load on us, to have the demons breathing down our neck to be put back in their place.  It is to believe that love works, that it is real, that it transcends the now and lasts until eternity.  Jesus went before us that we might be with him, that we may enjoy his fellowship.

Believing this changes everything.  All of the sudden, it's not about who's right or wrong, not about who has the right beliefs, not about our differences, all that matters is shedding light where there is darkness.  In this new world, love is shown to all, we mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice.  We are connected, each person longing for the other to be free, knowing that someone went to the grave in order for us to live.

In this new world body, mind, heart, gut and soul are all united.  We lose our strange mistrust of ourselves, our fear of each other.  We don't live only in the head, dutifully trying to analyze all that is and fitting all into categories.  Our head sinks down into our heart, and both together illuminate the soul.  This is heaven, the living in love, pure love, that we are all meant for, which was our original destiny.  In light of a love so great, I less want to convince someone of beliefs, more want to relieve their pain.  It helps me to see and be grateful for those who have blessed me, who have sought to release me from my own burdens, those who have selflessly encouraged me to enjoy life.

In this love, I'm encouraged to let down my masks, to be authentic, to sing, to dance.  Celebration comes to life, and my worries and all that I thought was important, gets swallowed up in celebration.  Lord God, give me the grace to live in such a way.

Monday, April 14, 2014


I want to be a fluid person, I want to be integrated.  I don't want there to be separate parts of me that I must attend to one at a time, and while attending to one the others get neglected.  I want to see value in each part of me, and potential in each part as well.  Even my dark parts, God can use for his good.  I want each of my parts to be complementary to the others, each encouraging the others to shine.  I don't want to be a musician in one breath, a counselor in another, I want all my parts to be accessible to me and all to shine out of my core identity as a loved child of God.  Each of my deep parts tells a story, each opens me up to a new level of grace. When I'm working as a counselor, I want the beauty of music flowing through me, and when I am writing music I want God's compassion for humanity informing all I write.

Integration will encourage me to not wear a mask in any setting, but to be my true self.  Integration will help me to relate to others out of a more true and honest stance.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

The true self

The true self is the fearless self.  It is the self that is connected with the larger picture.  It is the self that doesn't need to put others down in order to feel good about itself.  The true self is always trusting, always alive, always free.  The true self can let it's guard down because it feels no need to hide, no need to pretend to be what it's not.  The true self is passionate and integrated.  The true self doesn't need to defend it's boundaries because it's more about building bridges than drawing lines.  The true self doesn't  fear change, doesn't fear what it doesn't understand.  The true self is accepting of lessons from each other person, accepting other's uniqueness and creativity.  The true self doesn't fear death, knowing death is but the door to the next life.

We all walk in a world where the true self and the self society dictates to us are in conflict.  Learning to listen, learning to hear our deepest yearnings, listening to our deepest desires, can help us get in touch with our true self.  I believe at our deepest core we are a people that desires to be connected to others and the meaning in the universe.  I feel that getting in touch with our true self is an awakening of what's already in us, much less a striving for something we'll never have.  Here in this deepest part of ourselves, we know we are good, lovable, connected with the meaning that unites the ages and holds the universe together.  In our society, I feel that getting in touch with our true selfs is at least as much of an unlearning as it is a learning.  We need to unlearn the messages taught to us.  Messages like hard work always better, I need to look a certain way, more money means I'm more successful, conformity to the norm is the safest option, I need to protect my boundaries, there is a black and white answer to every question, I need to fear what's different from me, I can't learn from other people groups or religions, all need to be unlearned.  I feel that lessons we learn can become part of our psyche, and can drive us in directions we're not aware of until we unlearn them.

In my daytime job, I work as a mental health counselor.  I believe that one task of a counselor could be to reflect back to clients their story so they can see it more clearly and look for ways that their lives are dictated by other sources rather than authentically lived.  I believe this requires of the counselor and the client the grace and patience to hold competing ideas side by side without necessarily knowing which side is more accurate quite yet.  But in the supportive and compassionate relationship present in the room, the client can be encouraged to choose the best option, or the option that is most truly them.  I feel this brings up a good point about the true self.  The true self doesn't fear not knowing.  The true self  is open to paradox.  The true self knows it's but one part of the whole and that it needs everyone else's vision to have the complete picture.  The true self holds all of it's beliefs with open hands, not ever believing it has the corner on the market on any of its beliefs.  And, the true self doesn't feel bad about this, it knows that this is invitation to meaning beyond what we can see, an invitation into the divine.

Thanks for reading some of my thoughts on the true self.