Known

We are known by God, inside and out.  There is no recess of our soul that he does not know, no crevasse that is unbeknownst to him.  Therefore let me come out of hiding, let me walk into the light with freedom and confidence.  Let me let go of fear, of crippling darkness, let light be my brother, my companion, my friend.  Into the light we will go, moving from grace to grace, from mercy to mercy.  Let the light be my home, my truest desire.  All that intrigued me about sin, about trying to control my life, let it forever be forgotten in the great light.  I want to hear a whispering in the wind, to know full well where it comes from, full well what it means, and to sell all to be a part of it.  I want to love from the inside out and outside in.  I want love to open up for me depths I never imagined, grace I cannot yet see.

Yes, we are known by God, inside and out.  My intentions do not go unnoticed by him.  His grace beckons me surrender in my deepest parts.  The parts I deemed insignificant, he says wait, I am hear, there is peace, this is good.  Even in my wavering and my doubt, even in my fear and failure, he is present.  His love never fails.  This is truly his story, I can participate, I can play a part, but ultimately it is him moving through me that brings about true redemption.

We are known by God, inside and out.  I need not perch my beliefs, like a hidden alter trying to reach the heavens.  I need only to say "yes".  I need only he.  He put creation into motion and since then has been working creatively with it, inviting us to participate with him in his beauty.

Praise be to the God of all heavens, of all earth, of all creation.  Praise be to the God of all comfort, of all grace, of all joy.  Praise be to the God of all refuge, of all shelter, of all places where I lay my head.  Praise be to the God of the animals, of each people group, of everything good.  Praise be to the one, the only, the infinite God.

With all of me

I need not mistrust the different parts of me.  For all of them are given by God.  All are to be used in unison, all are good.  I need not fear thinking, for God has given me my brain.  I need not fear exercise, for God has given me a body.  I need not fear rest, for God created us to need it.  I need not fear excitement, for we are given a capacity for it.  I need not fear fun, for it unites all of the other parts of me.

God made our minds and bodies to be used.  Accepting a Christian life isn't resigning from the use of our brains or any other part of who we are.  It is to use them more fully, in the blessed confidence of children of God.

I think we forget sometimes that Jesus became enfleshed.  He took on a human life.  I believe that this shows us that we are good.  God was willing to become what we are in order to show us that we need not fear or mistrust what God has created, ourselves.

Yes I make mistakes with my mind and body.  But that does't change their inherent goodness.  Remember, before we did anything wrong, before we took our lives into our own hands, we had perfect communion with God.  Before the fall, Adam and Eve didn't fear or hate themselves.  They were able to humbly accept that they were radically loved without limit.  The love of God is what they knew.  Grace was first.  Love was first.  Sin came later.  So to return to Christ is to return to our original destiny, being lost in the love of God.

I picture God as an energy radiating through the universe, drawing all things into it, making all things one.  We were not only created by God, but were also created in his image.  We need not fear that this all surpassing love doesn't reach us, or that there are recesses in our soul that it doesn't reach.  I believe accepting our identity of a loved child of God is the task of our lifetime.  To internalize this love, to dare to believe it's true, to dare to let it accept us in our brokenness, is our calling.

So in light of this, I don't need to fear myself.  I can think with the power provided by God.  I can experience life fearlessly, without reservation.  I can use all my faculties in bringing him glory.

I believe that human love gives us a picture and snapshot of God's love.  I picture a father, playing with his child, not concerned if the child is doing anything right, only caring that the child is smiling and laughing.  The father, only concerned with life for the child, delights in the child's joy.  If I can believe this about human love, it opens me up to the possibility about a grander love, still deeper, still more persistent, still more present, than we can imagine.  And believing this about the divine, helps me still broaden my capacity for human love.

Embracing Ambiguity (Embracing Faith)

We will never have this life all figured out. We will never have a corner on the market of all truth. Pure wisdom will always be outside of us. But this is ok! We weren't meant to have it all figured out. We are called to live by faith. The call is to walk into mystery, into truth that is guiding us, not truth that we have control over. I say this to encourage us all, it is a great freedom to know that I'm accepted in my not knowing. Faith keeps us in the fight. If I decide against all hope, I've quit the fight. Similarly, if I've decided I have it all figured out, I've left the fight as well. My capacity for mystery, for love, for great truth is dying, and my capacity to hold these things is diminishing. But there is good news. All faith requires is saying yes to God. To open our hands and receiving from him. It does't require that we understand the gift, only that we let it change us, only that we live into it. We live in a society where answers seem to be more praised than questions. But we tend to seek only the answers that confirm our status quo. Whereas questions, questions open me up to the Other, to receiving, to mystery, to what is beyond me. I see this as great news. Faith states to us to stand in the mystery, to abandon our need for control, to drink in deeply to the mercy and love found in this life. Faith helps me to view the sunset, the impeccable mountain, and though I can't quantify the beauty, though I can't accurately explain it in words, I can be grateful for it. Faith helps me get beyond being hung up on the content and helps me engage more in the process. Faith means I already have what it takes to let mystery touch me, I need only to succeed to it. Faith isn't created a beauty from nothing, it is awakening my eyes, my mind, my heart to the beauty already present in the universe. It's less of a spirituality of addition, more of a deepening trust in the God already at work in the world and in my life. At times, I may encounter two or more ideas that seem to be opposing without knowing which if any are accurate. But faith speaks into this situation allowing us to rest in the love and Presence that are God. And, if I'm not quick to react, if I hold the tension in a loving grasp, I may see the truth on both (or all) sides. Weary travelers, let not your unknowing and doubt undue you. Rather, let them propel you into deeper mystery, into mystery that more readily holds all things without passing judgement. Let us together be invested in the God of mystery, who gives of himself in abundance no matter how much or little we realize it or accept it.

Process vs. Content

Often times I feel that we get hung up in the content, when the process may be speaking more loudly.  Take a therapy session for example.  A client may say lots of things, or may be venting, and what they are venting about may be of less significance then their need to be heard.  Or take therapy with children as another example, the session may be full of play, full of laughter, and not full of much dialogue.  But the process of play may have spoken louder to the child than any amount of words could.  As yet another example, take my relationship with Charissa, my wife.  If she has a hard day she may need to vent, and my response to her content may be much less helpful than my being present with her in her process.

In my own relationships, I don't want someone who wants to teach me so much as enter on this journey with me.  I desire people to live by me side by side, walking on to the truth, in honesty, in asking the hard questions, in reflection, in growth, in good times, in bad.  This one of the reasons why I like music so much, it doesn't judge, it just is.  I get to listen to others pouring out their hearts, connect with it, resonate with it, let it affect me.  I may never meet the artist or musician, but for that moment, we connect.  Music encourages not to worry about the end result so much and just enjoy the moment.  Music is mysterious, encourages me to enter into mystery.  How is it that the sound coming out can affect me so?  To me the question isn't as important as just letting it speak to me.

If we think about growth in the spiritual life, or in life in general, I believe the topic of process vs. content can be relevant too.  I believe in the spiritual life, we need both good content and process.  Content might teach me accurate theology, but process helps me to incorporate this theology into my life.  Process gives me the freedom to try out a new idea, to see the results and to learn from it.  God himself is the content, and the way he interacts with us is the process.  Growth happens through the process of gradually trusting him more, of gradually letting his grace speak into deeper parts of our lives, of making this grace more and more our home, more and more the grounding of our being.  It isn't a one time thing, it's a life long journey of growing character.  And if we allow God to speak to us through the process, it can continually refine the content we believe.

Fear Not

We're not meant for fear, we are meant for freedom.  Fear closes us off, makes us worry.  Freedom opens up greater space for us.  Freedom sings into our souls and takes us to places we've never been.  Freedom is but a taste of the ultimate freedom to come.  When seeking God, we need not look back over our shoulder, for God wants us to enjoy life.  God is big enough to hold us as we are, to lead us onward into the mystery we all crave.  Life is good, God is good.  When we're free, we need not worry about how to categorize or use this feeling, being present with God in the moment is enough, and we are changed by it.  We need not be shackled by fear any more!  My inner critic is lying!  I need not shame myself to try and reach some pure position, I need not worry.

If we adapted this attitude towards ourself and others, I believe it changes everything.  All of the sudden, my goal is both your freedom and mine.  I'm less combative, less trying to persuade you of my beliefs, more trying to awaken the presence of God in you.  And not by shame, not by manipulation, not by deceit, but by honest and true presence and love.  Society, each people group, counselors, pastors, leaders, everyone, should be about freedom for each other and for ourselves.  Satan cannot set free, he can only bind.  This is how we know that each freedom is from God.

In the experience of freedom, my attitude has greater gratitude.  I'm more spontaneous, more open, and my troubles seem to slide off of my back.  Being present with freedom is honoring to God.  Also, if I'm free my actions will be more my own, less a reaction to some outside force.  We need not fear freedom, need not fear enjoyment, for these are gifts from God.

Life, is gift from God.

Giving and Receiving

When I give to someone else, a space is automatically opened in me that is capable of receiving.  In loving others, I'm more capable of accepting love from God.  This works the other way too.  Accepting love from God, makes me more capable of loving others.  We are meant to both give and receive.  This life was not meant to be lived in a vacuum.  What I do affects others, and what others do affect me.  We need practice in both giving and receiving.  As we practice, our capacity to hold love is grown.  When we give of ourselves to another, we gain the capacity to reflect on that, to grow from it, to pray about it, and to assimilate into ourselves what we've learned from it.  The same goes for receiving.  When we feel close to God, especially blessed by him, it gives us the chance to reflect on that, and then to make decisions on how to let it affect our actions and lives.

I believe that God is the ultimate example of giving and receiving.  He is totally open to receiving from us, is inviting us to share who we are with him at all times.  And he is the perfect giver, always pouring himself out to us, always available, always advocating for us, always calling us toward transparency and nakedness in him.  Reflecting on the character of God can help me with both my giving and receiving.  Also, reflecting on the Trinity can teach of this balance as well.  In the Trinity, God is perfectly given to the other parts of the trinity and also receiving from them as well.  This is done freely, joyously, spontaneously and without reservation.  Meditating on this can help these characteristics become part of me.  For as each part of the Trinity is giving to the other parts, God also generously gives to us as well.

In reflecting on the Trinity, the dualistic mind and either/or thinking is enveloped in love.  It is given the freedom to let its guard down, to accept something without totally understanding it.  In this light, thoughts are less controlling, more accepting.  We are invited into a bigger grace, a more spacious place.  Also, reflecting on the Trinity can help giving to others become more natural.  It becomes less something I muster up, more something a natural part of my demeanor.  And then the gift given, opens me up to greater gift from God, to receiving from the divine.  I feel this is the purpose of community, namely bringing out God's image in each other and in our lives together.

The Gift of Relationship

My wife is a mirror for me.  In light of the love she has for me, in light of our relationship, everything I do matters.  My decisions affect both her and I.  Now I have a choice, I could become bitter about this, or I could use this mirror, this reflection of my actions, to shape and mold me.

Like the marriage relationship, all relationships are a chance to both give and receive.  In this mutuality growth and change can happen.  If I let those around me speak into my life, I may broaden my perspective to see a little more how they see.  Relationship is gift, and though it may be challenging at times, we are called to community.  We are stronger together.  What I lack, my sister can contribute.  Where I fall, another will be strong, and in their strength can help me back to my feet.  I feel that true relationship is a chance for intimacy, a chance for transparency.  Relationship at its best accepts us for who we are, allows us to share our deep hurt, and then strengthens us by presence in the midst of our hurts.  There is no notion of separate sin, of sin that only affects me and not my brothers.  I am bound by the image of God to those around me, and what I do affects my ability to be present for others.  We could see this as an incredible burden, or as it is, pure gift.  I get to share with those around me.  I am bound to them, and them to me.  We one is strong, we celebrate, when one hurts, we cry with them.  In this way, God is honored.  For God aches when we ache, and is joyous when we are full of joy.  We didn't ask for this sort of love, this love that pursues us to the ends of the earth.  This love that makes itself vulnerable to us, is affected by us and is always available to us.  In the same way, I should let those around me affect me.  This shows people that they matter, that they are real, that someone is willing to feel with them and for them.  It helps to answer the question for them, "Does anyone really care about me?"

I work as a mental health counselor.  I see it as my job to find the strengths already present in people and bring these into focus, to bring them out more clearly.  Anything besides this, is telling people what to do, is trying to form people in my mold.  Remember, Jesus came to set us free, I must follow his example.  As a counselor, I want to let people tell their story.  I want to honor their story as unique, precious and true.  More than intervention, people need a listening presence.  Once I have gained their trust, once I've proven to them that this is their time, not mine, than I have a platform to speak truth into their lives.  But never truth forced, only offered as invitation, and at the same time offering them the choice to accept it or not.  All truth is offered in such a way, it must be accepted, can't be forced.  In this sort of compassionate relationship, a person can gain the confidence to explore topics.  I believe that in this sort of exploration, truth can be experience, faith strengthened.  And it comes not through doctrine, not in telling people the right answers, but through open, trusting and compassionate exploration.  I hope that I have true beliefs, but these beliefs must be tempered by, informed by, and grounded in love. They also must be open to being wrong, or at least incomplete.

The personal work I do will directly affect the way I relate to people.  If I broaden my ability to accept God's love, then I will automatically broaden my ability to love others.  Relief from my fears will translate into a greater capacity to help relieve the fears of others.  In this way, no personal growth is lost, none without meaning.  Refining of myself will always increase my capacity to help, to be present, to love.  And then my loving of others, will greater increase my refinement.  And in this way love grows, pulls us upward, until Christ is all, and in all.