Gone

All things gone, only one remains.  But this one holds the rest, so all things stay.  I thought the darkness had covered, I thought the end had come.  I fade to grey, only to realize that inside the grey was a great mystery, that holds every paradox, gently, and each paradox is given full expression so that the polarities are not polarities any longer.  Rather they flow in a perfect circle, and then outward, and then inward, and then out into the universe, and then in-between the atoms deeper and deeper into the ground of being.  Yes, it covers all, reveals all, transforms all, is perfectly hidden and perfectly revealed at once.

Father, help my inner world to be open to your flow, come from without and within, until I fall into an infinite number of infinities, into that which cannot be explained.

All was gone, but then all began.  My world cracked, crumbled, was broken open, was asunder, melted upon the hot earth, only to change form.  Not like ice, to water, to steam, but a death and rebirth.  A new creation, joined with that which has been singing forever, in perfect unity, in perfect harmony, with themselves, to realize, this was first.  Life was first.  Rebirth is into that which already was, I need only believe it.  The shell that I thought was my primary existence was the disguise.  This self made facade, shown to the systems and schools I tried to impress, where I sought praise, in anger, out of nothingness.  I tried to create a new me, only to repeat my same patterns, adding to my pain.

The Example, a perfect combination of human and divine, who also believed thus, came to bring us life.  That we might not fear our bodies, or hate them, or divide them or tear them asunder.  So let us fade to grey.  Let our polarities loose their stance, let them fall into a deep rest, let them realize they already posses that which they scream so loudly for.

Let the music play, open wide the gates, it's more inclusive than we thought.  Let us all be carried into that which cannot be described, only felt, only lived into.  Truth was never to be fully understood, but only enjoyed.

The Unfolding

Beyond a red carpet, let it roll out.  We see it as it is unraveled, not from itself, but from and in our understanding.  It's being revealed, everywhere at every time.  Teach me to listen oh Sovereign Lord. Let my posture be that of receiving.  Let me not be afraid to let you take me into the unknown.  And even if I am afraid, please help me to still let you.

For my emotions are data, not directions.  My fear isn't the whole it says it is.  It tries to consume me, that's all it knows how to do, but it doesn't know, it doesn't see, that beauty is in the stillness.  The rage boils, brews and spews, trying to pull others in.  It grasps desperately for a victim.  But truth is found in the time between stimulus and response.  Something occurs, and I have time, what shall I choose?  I've ran both directions way too readily.  I've over identified with the polars, running right and left.  But my eyes can only see one direction, running right means I can only see right.  Running left means I can only see left.  Resting in the middle gives me a better perspective.  This third way of seeing is so much something discovered as something uncovered.  Our very being, spirit, flesh, all of it desires its Source.  We want to come home.  Then our mind partakes in the Great Mind, not as an informant, but as a participant in its flow.

I need not claim any ground, put my stake in any claim, dig in my feet into the rocky ground.  Free me from myself Lord.  Empty me of all that keeps me from your glorious joy.  Become to me the Alpha and Omega, and everything in between.  Even if it means pulling me into what I considered darkness, only to discover that you are somewhere where I thought not.

A new beginning

Not last, only leading to the next.  For deadlines are illusion, death only a passing into the next.  Only a step of resurrection.  The flame, I thought was dead, but no, the kindling needed some breath.  Thank you for your breath, my wounds needed more healing.  I needed restraint, and yet to be set free, you did both.

What will this notion pass into.  For time isn't a stopping point, it is a flow, a river of life roaring forward.  To try and stop it, or even to resist, is going against the grain.  It's the opposite of what your cells long for, they bid you give way.  They meld with the timeless, which draws you, it's not calling us to our opposite, it's calling us, drawing us, to our natural origin, our final destination.  Yet it's not a destination at all, only a doorway to an infinite infinity.

In this light, let the deeps pour out.  Let them bubble up and out to fill everything, and yet when this task is done, there is still an infinite amount to fill.  And such is love.  Not dualistic, can hold two things at once without passing judgement on one or the other.  "Let them both remain," it says.  "They both have something to say."  I hope I listen.  There is one center.  But this center has infinite depth, and therefore infinite centers.  How else can we fall in love for all eternity?

A new tomorrow

A new tomorrow.  To wake up to a new day.  Let the sighs pass.  Judgement, this is not your day.  I do not want to succumb to you.  Alive.  I long to be.  A new day dawning over the bright horizons of the soul.  A shimmering in the midst of confusion, comfort in the midst of dissidence.  I am not only my thoughts, they shall not reign over me.  To trust, to see the beauty in life.  To learn to see from love lenses.  The beauty is there.  I want to look for it, to fall on it, to breathe it in and be breathed in by it all at once.  All at once, my worry faded.  I felt loved.

My forlorn face fell drooping down to the swaggering ground.  The same ground that tried to drop out from underneath me.  But I was caught.  And held.  All is right.  All is ok.

Yet I know there is suffering.  My daily fight for happiness might be someone else's fight for survival.  My fight for fulfillment might be someone else's fight for food for their child.  All of us are in this together.

Yet there is a new day, over the bleak transition from day to night there reigns a truth speaking to and from the galaxies past.  It shouts, "I love you.  Hold on."  And then again, "I love you."  We are all connected, breathed out.  Let us return to the one from whose breath we originate.  We all have the same source.

Forgive my sin Christ, have mercy on my a sinner.  Forgive where I divide.  Forgive where I seek to be one up, where I try and squelch the flames of other so that mine can be seen.  Forgive my fearful spirit, the amount of times daily that don't act from the true self.  Have mercy on me God, a sinner.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry for your pain.  It is yours and only yours.  No one else can claim it, you will deal with it in a way that is uniquely you.  Even if all feels like rhythm and pattern, even if your mouth is shut and your soul feels dry, there is One who is listening.  He is hurting with you.  Do not fear your sensitivity.  Do not wish it away, feel your pain.  Know you are held in it, and that through the jaws of the dragon, on the other side of death is rebirth.  Rebirth into new life.  Life not before seen.

Know that your unique way of holding the pain is unique to the universe and the story being written through time and space.  It matters.  Your pain matters.  Your tears are not empty, even if they feel that way.  If you've felt like death more than life, One feels your pain.  My friend, your pain is not your enemy, it does not cover you in darkness never again to be found.  The pain has its end.  Emptiness is only a shadow of the light.  Bitterness only beholds one angle of the truth.  Hope may be closer than you think.  Don't look abroad, to the newest teaching or the newest path of ascent.  It's deep in your soul.  In the place where flesh and spirit become one.  There is your home.  There is your rest.  You need not be someone else.  Accept yourself, for you are accepted.  Walk down the thousand latter of your life and shake hands with the naked and bare self.

Help me to see.  Open my mouth and heart.  Have my pride.  Have my entangled, estranged self.  Let me not travel to a polarity, give me the strength to bear in myself what I do not yet know.  Have my chains, that shackle my heart, and seek to put to death my creativity.

Help me to not judge, have my broken being, help me to settle into the Ground Of Being.

Hope

In the darkest night, we need not fabricate a light of our own, this will only bring on more darkness.  If I try and remember, all I remember haunts me.  If I think forward, I get trapped in the future.  I need a new consciousness.  I cannot kill myself any longer.  I will trade it in, only to awaken to the reality that was present before any of my pain.  Sometimes, my pain feels like an end in itself.  Is there any meaning to it?  Is there some direction I am heading?  I need a new mind, not one I can build.  I must take earth, combine it with the sacred, and find all was sacred all along.  Let that which is sacred arise, let light shine as it did before, as it never stopped.  I only couldn't see it.  I was looking through the wrong lens, the lens of my success.  The lens of what has worked for me in the past.  The lens of my ambition.  It worked before, why not this time?  Because everything must run its course.  Everything must be shown for what it is.  It must be revealed by fire.  A must be willing to see what I cannot see.  I must be willing to not only name the problem, I must admit I've partaken in it.  Sometimes, it's all I knew.  I must be willing to be awake, but first I must die to all that I am.  What will be left?  That which was before I am.  The great I AM.

Forgive my treachery, the places where I've been content with darkness.  The times where I thought I was an end in myself.  Where I used people, or used reputation, or fear.

The never ending thoughts trickle through my brain like raindrops falling from the open sky.  I do not want to die like this, I cannot stand myself.

Awaken me to the rest that was before I had a cell in my body.  The rest offered to us from long before I walked this earth.  I need the eternal, in both directions.  I want to believe that I was born into something, and am heading towards something.  Help.  Me.  To.  Let.  Go.  Only.  To.  Find.  It's. Better.  With.  You.

A buzzing

A buzzing is occurring, listen, can you hear it?  We need not put our ears to the door, we need only to listen to our heart.  It's inside, in between, in all the places I thought not.  Don't go there, I thought.  Yet these were the very places which needed attention, where I needed to go, sometimes with a witness.  It is sometimes in the dark where we find the light.

I cannot fix my soul.  It is too complex for me, I need a light to illuminate it, and then to show me what is helpful and not.  But I need not rage against the unhelpful parts.  Maybe I can laugh instead, and cry, and we can watch redemption use both.  If I can dare to accept the dark parts of me (though not as an end in themselves) then maybe I can accept those who are different then me.

Transformation ravages across the hills, it fills the valleys and makes wide paths once narrow.  Conversion hails from the sky, bubbles from the deep wells, thickens the air.  Am I ready?  Am I listening for it, do I dare to enter into the forgiving flow?  Here, we are all invited.

I cry out to you Blessed One Above All, help my heart to hear you.  I want to see.  I want to be open to the mystery unfolding right here, right now, in front, behind, in-between, around me.  Holy God, train my mind to rest, but only in you, be my rest, my redemption, my salvation, my freedom.  Make what is quite into a cascade of encompassing joy, may I not think I have any more right to it than anyone else.  Take me beyond judgement, beyond my condemnation, to where your store houses are.

Help...me...to...listen.