Therapy with Children

I believe that therapy with children is about finding the joyous part of them, the part that's alive, or that has potential, and then working at bringing this out more fully.  In their life, children may have had to bury this part in order to survive.  They may have had to bury the parts that had hope, that give them joy, that sought comfort because they may have reached out with these parts only to find their needs frustrated.  For self preservation, they needed to stop reaching out.  Then in therapy, it's our job to find this part, these hidden needs, to acknowledge, to help remove the shame from them, to call them good, and help the child experience them in a safe setting.  I believe that this is consistent with a strengths based approach.  We look for their strengths, their internal resources and seek to bring these to the surface.  This type of approach is I believe a positive one.  When meeting with a child we are not looking for their deficits, not for the places they are lacking.  Rather, we are accepting them for who they are and encouraging them to share all that they are with us.  

In this type of approach, the atmosphere we want to create is one of openness, one of acceptance, one where the therapist remains curious about and present with the child.  We want an environment conducive to growth for the child.  It's not about the child living up to or attaining to demands we would have.  It's not even about our dreams or goals for the child.  It's more about letting the child's dreams naturally form in the open and supportive environment.  In an atmosphere and relationship like this, I believe that it also takes the pressure off of the therapist.  I'm less pressured to have the answers for the child, less pressured to steer them in a direction and therefore less frustrated if we don't like the direction they are taking.  My job is not to set out goals for the client or steer them in any of my directions, rather it is to join in the child in their world and help the child move towards their individual and unique light.  

For the therapist, this takes a shift in thinking.  I'm not a teacher in the common use of the word.  I don't hold all of the answers, rather I have patience to trust that the path will unfold in the context of a compassionate and supportive relationship.  I also believe that this requires the therapist to trust the natural good in clients.  We look for the goodness, the uniqueness, the creativity in each of our clients and try and provide an environment where these can naturally grow.  Also for the therapist, this takes patience.  It may take some time for the child to feel comfortable enough to show the therapist their hidden needs, or their wishes for freedom, and this requires the therapist to hold a supportive environment and then to wait for the growth to take effect.  This may sound frustrating to wait, but actually it is incredibly liberating.  It is trusting the therapeutic process.  It is trusting that relationship is good, that it is healing, that when given the right footing that a child can run.  

I believe that play can be a big part of therapy with children.  Play helps their uniqueness to shine.  It helps them engage their world in a way that is not threatening to them, but rather inviting.  It helps them to feel understood, to feel that the world is kind.  Play helps the child unfold and for them to get relief from all that is binding them.  I also feel that play that follows the child's lead can be helpful.  In play, like in the rest of therapy, it isn't about the therapist coming up with a great playful therapeutic environment, rather it is about engaging the client, providing a supportive environment, and trusting that the child's natural ability to play will kick in.  If play occurs, the therapist can in a way reflect back to the child aspects of the play occurring.  For example, if a girl client is playing with a dollhouse the therapist may make comments or ask questions about different aspects of the house.  And the comments aren't us telling the client what we think it means, but rather reflecting what the client is doing.  I feel that a therapist can help start play if the child is having a hard time getting going, but the therapist should seek to support the child's natural playful tendencies once play has begun.