Into wholeness

Is it possible to desire or want something that we don't already in part have?  Can we desire God without already having his imprint.  Is there a vacuum that we try and put God into in order to fill us? Do we feel incomplete and seek God for completeness?  Or is there already a desire in us from birth to be united with that which breathed us out.  Is it more of a  homecoming that finding new territory? For me, this idea gives me hope because if I'm in the dark, I don't know where to grasp in order to reach light.  However if I have Christ already imprinted in my deepest being, then his guidance can lead me to where he also is.

Waiting, or waited for

Is it true that we wait for God?  Or is it true that God waits for us to discover or understand that we already have what we are waiting for?  However, could waiting for God be a part of letting that God is already with us be uncovered?  Could it be true that in the dark, God is being made true to us from within or from some angel we didn't see or previously understand?  If we slow down, and set our mind upon aspects of God, could we be held in that moment while other things pass or work through us, and in this process God ends up occupying a larger space of our lives as other things pass by.

Giving up all

Help me to give up all for you.  To let go of all, to find all.  The paradox of surrender to find our eternal home.  Surrender of my sureties, of control of my life and emotions.  A surrender of surety however, is also a surrender of false sureties.  To let go of control is to let go of those things that plague me.  In the hope that beauty will wash over me, soothing my wounds like balm.  Instead of beating myself up, wresting with myself, my pits I fall in, I give up control in the hope that my soul is healed.  That eternity will take my hand and lead my on a journal that is truly my deepest desire.  Then the small desires that I have entertained get washed away in eternities soothing gaze.  Am I willing to let go of selfish dreams, to find the real dream?

Belief

Is belief something we accent to, something we accept, something we hold to be true?  Or is it it something to transform our thoughts, insight, our relationship to and the way we perceive or bodies?  Is it something that I read and then believe was true, and then try and imitate it?  Or do I receive something, then chew on it, and hold it in me until I become it.  This being the gift of grace, not achieved by our own work or will.  And then once it is a part of us, or rather we are a part of it, then we enjoy it everywhere.  This goes beyond belief in the realm of deciding something is true, but to let the belief become reality to us, and in us, and through us.  How much do I want this?

Love beyond belief

Do I have a belief system, or do I seek something that is relevant to everything I do and all that I am. A belief system might help me to categorize things.  It might help me to make thoughts into stairs which I can climb to a roof that doesn't exist.  A belief system might actually inhibit belief to have its work on me.  If I preemptively put a belief system ahead of me, that I hold true, and try and live into, it might not let love hold me as I am, broken, needing healing, from Christ, who loves me before and despite and belief systems.  The unknown is where my own resources have no light to guide, to fall into the great unknown is to be caught by the hands that inhabit a space bigger than me.  Then, to open me to this bigger field also.

Warmth

Help me to be free.  To not be clenched in any way.  Not tight in my jaw or shoulders, not in my back.   But to be truly free in mind and body.  Free from negative thoughts and doubt.  Realization.  The realization of love for me.  To stand in the sun, and to slowly learn that it is truly home.  And then to realize, what it took my time to realize, was realized for me all along.  One true identity.  Through the clouds the sun breaks.  From the frozen tundra the ground warms.  The chill in the air turns into a comfortable warmth.  Realizing then that the warmth come from all directions, at the same time.  Realizing then that it was sharing it's glow before I realized it.  And then a warmth wells up from within, and meets the warmth without.

Open

Help me to be open.  To not try and hold you in my body, but to let you flow through.  Not ever giving up on any moment.  Not adding to negativity.  Not holding out for another time and place.  Present.  Letting go of control, or rather, the illusion of control.  It's not mine to grasp, or grapple for. It's an act of letting go.  Of surrender.  Not of demanding.  I didn't start any flow of grace, it's a flow that was long before me, yet it reaches to me, to us all.  It doesn't hold over us that it was before us.  It only seeks to wrap us up, to pour over all our pain, to saturate our hearts with contentment and love.

The moment doesn't belong to me.  Each moment contains everyone, and everything.  And it is the moment that gives birth to us all, not the other way around.  I'm not my own idea.  In order to seek the wisdom of the ages then, I feel looking outward to that which gave birth to us is good.  However, in doing so we also find reference within us to.  That even though we didn't start the flow, we are somehow a part of it.  This makes you my sister, my brother.  We are all caught up in the cosmic dance.  I need to not demand of it, but rather give way to the idea that it knows better for me than I do.  I should not try and corner it, for to do so is to evade it.  I should not try and freeze it in time, even in those moments that seem to make sense to me, for to do so it not let it carry me deeper.